Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
