what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
