it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
