I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
