This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
