my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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