dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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