Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
