Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
