loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
