I was born with a shot glass in my hand
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize