And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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