Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
