Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize