Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
