please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
