Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
