Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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