She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
