I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
