i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
