Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
