i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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