finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
