so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I party with great urgency now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
