Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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