found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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