guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
