my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
