idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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