Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
