Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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