I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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