So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
