genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
