This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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