I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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