no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
