she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
