it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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