How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
