If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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