are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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