Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I am morally bankrupt
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
