another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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