White coat. Heels.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont even know how to be here
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
