she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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