Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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