ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
