I puked a lego.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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