my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
