I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize