Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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