Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
