dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
