i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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