I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
