you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
