Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
