Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
