I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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