her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The power of my boobs compel you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
