Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
