Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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