it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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