dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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