I wish my penis had an off switch
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
that is very illegal...i love you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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