Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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