girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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