these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
