What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
