nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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