New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
