oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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