At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
