So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
