im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
