Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
