He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
