considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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