We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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