dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
