Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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