Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
