then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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