it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Small penises have feelings too.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
