i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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